Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
