I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You've changed since you got that strap on
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
