i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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