dude i'm inner monologue high
time to smoke my breakfast
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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