she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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