Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
