i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
