I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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