Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
