i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?