he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?