My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
