My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
