Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm bleeding and have questions
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
