you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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