Will you blow on my dice?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
