My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
