Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
