wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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