idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
