a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
