I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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