Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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