ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
