I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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