I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize