my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I want her autograph on my taint
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
