I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
