just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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