He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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