i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
