I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
