Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
