Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
