yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
FUCK WHALES
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
