She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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