and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
