oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
my shit smells like andre
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
