allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
