omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
