UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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