so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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