we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
