if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
