Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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