What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
