Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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