Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
