you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Green mimosas i think yes
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
