everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
