So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
