Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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