it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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