Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
