You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
