I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
