in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
