how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
