I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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