I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
