giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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