....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
