I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize