i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
