you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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