dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize