i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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