I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
