Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
