actually, I'm a sock model
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
