I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
