All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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