It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
