he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's shark week go big or go home
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
