i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
