all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
